Of Rings and Marriage
by FriendLey
Summary: Rich DotCom learns about Jane and Kurt's marriage. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Blindspot or any of its characters found in this story. What is written here is for entertainment purposes only. No infringement is intended and this story is not for profit.**

The minute Kurt and Jane enter the interrogation room and sit themselves down, they share a suspicious look at the bright sparkle in Rich DotCom's eyes. His gaze is directed at their fingers which share a matching silver band.

"YOU GUYS GOT HITCHED?" Rich cries, half in delight, half in disbelief. "WITHOUT ME?"

Kurt rolls his eyes while Jane tries to resist a satisfied smile from showing on her face. It's not everyday that she knows something Rich doesn't.

"When did this happen?"

Even with handcuffs around his wrists , Rich manages to grab both of Jane's and Kurt's left hands on the table and study their rings.

"Hmm," Rich says with an unimpressed air. "A little plain for my taste. Silver or white gold? I think it's the former. Stubbles here seems more of a silver guy."

Kurt wrenches Rich's hands off theirs. He takes Jane's hand and hides it under the table where Rich can't see.

If it isn't for the fact that Rich has information on yet another Most Wanted, the Wellers wouldn't even be in the office on a Sunday.

But Rich knows exactly what to say to get the FBI's attention. Whether he can _keep_ their attention is another matter.

Rich points a finger at Kurt. "Still grumpy, I see. Jane here hasn't loosen you up yet? Now, see if you guys invited me to the wedding, your wedding night, not to mention your honeymoon, would be all the more adventurous." His eyebrows dance suggestively. "You know, light a few candles, maybe even call in a tattoo artist, throw in these shackles and-"

"Enough," says Kurt gruffly. "You better start giving me something I want to hear or else I'm sending you back to your cage."

"Well, we can't have that." The light, playful tone Rich uses gives the opposite impression. "You guys don't even call, you don't write. What's a man to do to get some TLC here?"

Rich ignores the pointed glares from the He-weller and turns to the She-Weller. "He treatin' you alright, Jane? Does he lose the scowl during sex? Because I feel like he's just permanently angry. Which is fine if that's your type and all. Personally, I like my men with more facial expressions."

Jane's stern "Rich" has the hacker pressing his lips together. He knows he could never seek to divide the two. Ever since Day 1 of knowing them, they've been in sync.

"Okay. But you can't blame me for wanting to play catch up. I'm a little upset, I'll admit." With a touch to his chest, Rich says, "I brought you two together! You are my masterpiece, my obra maestra and to find out that my OTP got married and didn't invite me? That stings."

Kurt resists another temptation to roll his eyes so far back in his head. He gives Jane an exasperated look that says ' _you_ handle him.'

Jane licks her lips and leans across the table. She's worked with Rich often enough to know how their negotiations work. "What do you want, Rich?"

"Well, I want to have been invited. But what's done is done." Rich plays with his beard in thought. "Hmm... Okay. Three things: wedding photos, wedding anecdotes, aaaand another look at your rings."

"No," says Kurt firmly. He won't let Rich delay things any longer. Plus, that's a _lot_ of things, a lot of details about Kurt's private life he isn't willing to share.

"Fine," Rich shrugs. He leans back on his chair and begins to talk some more, this time about Kurt's choice of necktie.

"Ugh, fine," says Kurt after Rich starts suggesting color tones. Jane takes her husband's hand under the table, giving it a reassuring squeeze. Rich always manages to get under his skin.

Rich eagerly turns to Jane. "Were you wearing a long train?"

"No."

"Stubbles, did you cry?"

It takes a moment but there's a small, gruff 'hmm' which Rich takes to mean yes.

"Are there any engravings on your rings? Markings that appear only when you toss it in the fire?"

Jane's forehead wrinkles. "Are you seriously comparing our wedding rings to the One Ring?"

"What?" Rich asks innocently. "It's precious. Anyway, where are the photos?" He taps his finger on the table impatiently.

This time Kurt doesn't hold back and he rolls his eyes for the umpteenth time before taking out his phone and showing Rich the wedding album in his photo gallery.

When Rich sees it, he fakes a few tears whilst commenting that he could have given them a name of a better photographer if only they'd invited him.

"I'll remember that the next time I want a convicted criminal during a major event in my life," Kurt sarcastically replies.

Rich ignores the remark and continues to say, "I fully expect to be godfather when your first child comes along."

Kurt's eyes widen and the expression on his face makes Rich laugh. "HA! Just kidding. Wow, you should've seen yourself. You looked like somebody grabbed your balls or -" he narrows his eyes at the couple. "You two aren't-" Rich looks under the table to check only to have Kurt's knee shoved unceremoniously in his face.

Rich's head reappears, his hands up in the air in a gesture of surrender. "Okay, okay. No peeking."

"You got what you wanted," said Jane, all pretense of civility gone, her patience having run out. "Now, tell us the location."

Rich holds up a palm, silencing her. "Uh-uh. I still have to see the rings."

Jane hands him her left hand and Rich studies the band with an air of a pawnshop owner. He hums and nods, twists the ring around, fits Jane's finger and then turns to Kurt. Rich's outstretched palm is open and facing upwards, waiting for Kurt to place his beringed hand on it.

Kurt grumbles before putting down his own hand. Rich does the same things before nodding and clasping his hands together.

"Alright. Let's get started."

...

Kurt and Jane think they've seen the last of Rich (for that particular case, that is) until they receive a package a few weeks later.

It contains a small box which upon opening, reveals two matching gold wedding bands. A card accompanies it that says, " _a wedding gift from yours truly. Don't worry. I had them made according to your ring sizes. Don't say I didn't do anything for ya._

 _P.S. I have a matching ring too!_

 _P.P.S. Fire reveals a secret message._

 _P.P.P.S. I fully expect to receive letters from now on._

 _P.P.P.P.S. I like handmade cards."_

A quick trip to Patterson is made and she not only assures them that the rings aren't bugged, but also confirms the presence of secret markings that emerge upon contact with heat.

It says 'Team Jeller.'

Kurt scrunches up his nose. "Jeller?"

Patterson nods, grinning. "Yeah. Like Brangelina. It's pretty cute."

Kurt rolls his eyes and groans.

 **A/N: Tell me what you think!**


End file.
